I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
