Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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