This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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