Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
