I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
