I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was like eating out sand paper
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I came so hard my ears popped.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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