I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize