PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
