Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My hand turned me down
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
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so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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