You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
