Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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