im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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