I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
