I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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