I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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