My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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