Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
