I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
