I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
