Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
