I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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