Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
