i just wanna soil my oats bro
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
