I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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