There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
