I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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