Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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