Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
