It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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