would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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