so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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