4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
