You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
