you would pick up someone in the library
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
