Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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