i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
