I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
