He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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