I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
