i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
