Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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