Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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