babies were throwing up all over the place
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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