now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
