Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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