Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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