i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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