Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
