Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
