Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
