shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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