the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
