Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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