Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
