the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
