worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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