The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sext me about skeletons
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
