But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
