Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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