remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
