i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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