he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
