This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
