I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
