His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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