so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
