So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
